My Daughters Keeper
by KristenStewartForever
Summary: Drugs were her best friend, her salvation. But a serious reality check may make her rethink all that. will she e able to become clean? and most of all, Will she be able to be what her daughter needs?. loosely based off a friends situation, but a lot of things were changed and thank god the baby is perfectly healthy despite everything.
1. Chapter 1

Bella didn't care about much or really anything. Her life had spiraled downward, turning to drugs when alcohol wasn't enough. Now 6 months into her pregnancy, her water had broken and she had started bleeding. Nothing could be done to stop it, her baby had come 3 months premature. She didn't want to be here, she wanted to be far away from this place, anywhere but here.

Her baby didn't come out crying like most and the last thing she knew, they had revived her but she was struggling to survive. Her rights were immediately terminated and Renee was getting custody of baby girl swan as she was temporarily called. Bella felt ashamed, it wasn't until the birth that the reality of what she had done settled for her. She had done drugs and drink every day of her pregnancy, she did every drug you could imagine and everyone had warned her that she was killing her daughter, but she didn't listen nor care at that point.

Renee, her mother was taking Bella down to the NICU later, much to Bella's displeasure. "to see what she had done" as her mother oh so ever lovingly put it.

"Bella" Renee's icy voice came into the room. Bella turned her head, tears springing to her eyes. "We are going to the NICU, the nurse gave me the ok."

"Mom, please don't do this to me. I-i can't see her like that." Bella choked out she didn't think she could stand seeing what she had done. She wanted it to all be a nightmare.

"Should have thought about that when you decided to almost kill your baby." Renee came over and grabbed her arm forcing Bella out of the bed.

"Fuck you" Bella spat.

Renee rolled her eyes. "Come on, don't be a bitch about this."

"You're being a bitch!"

"I have every right Bella!, you don't. You are the reason your baby girl is going through this."

"You don't think I know this! Don't you think this fucking kills me?"

"Well you're getting a reality check, get out of that bed and get in the wheelchair."

Bella sighed but silently did what she was told. The ride down there was long and it didn't help that her mother was basically scolding her the whole time. But she deserved it.

Entering the NICU Bella saw rows of incubators, some with crying family members near them. When Renee stopped the wheelchair Bella put her head down. Renee grabbed Bella's arm and pulled her up leading to the side of an incubator.

"Look, Bella," she snapped.

Bella slowly looked up and then wished she hadn't. A very tiny pink body laid in there, shaking and only then did the sound of the baby mewing register in her mind. Tiny limbs shook uncontrollably and excessively as the result of withdrawals. Bella started to reach her hand to put it on the incubator but was slapped away by Renee

"You see that Bella? It's because of you! I'm going to get the pediatrician, I want you to hear all this from her."

Bella was speechless. Renee walked away and Bella placed her hand on the incubator silently crying.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry baby. If I could do it all over again….."

"But you can't" Renee icy voice came from across from her.

"I know that mom. Please, just not now."

Renee rolled her eyes, determined to make her daughter see her mistakes. It was a few minutes later when the pediatrician came by and Bella didn't want to hear this but knew she really didn't have a choice. She tried blocking out what was being said but certain things Stuck in her mind

Cerebral palsy, she's in pain, tremors. How even touching her was extremely painful.

"We are giving her low dosage of morphine and methadone to wean her body off of the drugs. It's a very delicate process. She is very lucky to be alive. In the future, she will most likely be confined to a wheelchair, with possible feeding and breathing tubes. As I said earlier, her skin is also extremely painful for her to be touched and the tremors happen every 10 minutes or so. We will know more as time goes on. Any questions miss Swan?"

"Cant, you just sedate her if she's in pain?"

"No, it is too much of a risk and we need to be careful with what we give her."

Bella shook her head. She returned her gaze to the baby, who had opened her eyes. The look in her eyes killed Bella. She wanted to take this all away from her daughter, she was the cause of all this and she knew what she needed to do.

A short time later she headed back to her room and started packing her bag, still in extreme pain from having just delivered a few hours ago. She pulled the iv out of her hand and placed her hospital band onto the bed before she snuck out, tears streaming down her face. She used what money she had left and taken a bus to Seattle.

From there she took a bus to Lincoln and 34th street, pulling up a large white building. She sighed and headed into, to the front desk. She was doing this for her baby girl, the only thing that mattered to her right now. She owed her that much.


	2. Regret

Renee wasn't the least bit surprised when she had found out that Bella had left the hospital it was just like her daughter to run away from reality.

It had been a few days. Bella had been put into a room with three other girls all going through the same thing as her. Her own withdrawals had started. She was shaking and sweating, thinking she had been losing her mind, her body felt like it was on fire as a raging headache poured through her. Was this what her daughter felt? Bella thought. If it was, Bella hated herself even more. She couldn't get any drugs and that was the whole point. She had checked herself into a rehab facility when she had left the hospital. She wanted to become clean, so she could be a mother to her daughter. She would never in a million years take her daughter from her mother, but she wanted to at least be able to see her.

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Renee was pacing around the waiting room. They had just taken the baby back to surgery. She had coded and after that, they had figured out one of her aorta valves in her heart had shut off, so they were going to open it back up. So many things had gone wrong with the baby and they didn't know if she would end up surviving. They had figured out that she was partially blind with some hearing loss, was anemic and had so far required 2 blood transfusions.

Renee prayed this little girl would make it and not be punished because of her own daughter's mistakes. Bella never told her where she was going and at this point, Renee didn't care.

Renee went and sat back down in the chair, unable to handle the anticipation. Soon the doors opened and the doctor came over to her.

"Shes in critical condition but we were able to repair it, the next 48 hours will be touch and go. She is very small and because she is an addicted baby it will make things a whole ton harder since we cant give her narcotics. She is being moved back into the NICU as we speak. If you would follow me."

Renee followed the doctor back up the NICU and took a seat in the chair next to the isolate as the nurses were rearranging wires and hooking the baby back up to monitors. She looked even more fragile, she vowed that Bella better not show her face anytime soon.

Meanwhile, Bella was laying on her bed having just got done with therapy. She ran her hand over her stomach, missing the feeling of her baby. She had been beyond stupid, why couldn't she realize the damage she was doing earlier? Why did it take for her daughter to be born and to see her near death with her own eyes to wake her up? There was no use wondering now, whats done was done and she couldn't go back and change it. All she could do was pray and silently thank her mother, for being there for her baby when she wasn't able to be the mother she should have been.

Bella got up and headed down to the dining room for dinner. Days here consisted of therapy, art projects. Group, periods of withdrawals and sleep. At night she had way to much time to think. Sleep didn't come easy, she would lie awake worrying about her baby and praying she was still alive.

Dinner consisted of pizza and chicken nuggets, which may sound appetizing to some but in this place, it wasn't. After dinner, Bella headed out onto the deck and laid back in one of the chairs closing her eyes.

Renee was packing her purse to leave for the night. She hated leaving the baby, but she also wanted to spend time with Charlie and take a shower. Once home she jumped into the shower, releasing all the stress of the day. She hated cleaning up after her daughter's messes but this one she knew she had to do, that baby was staying in the family no matter what.

Meanwhile, Bella was laying down for the night. She was trying to pinpoint when her life had gone downward when the drugs had started. She guessed it was Prom in high school when Angela and Mike convinced her to try cocaine and then when she got hooked on that and it began to not take effect on her anymore, she turned to other drugs. She had to start prostituting for drug money and that's how she had met Edward, the father of her baby. He was a one-night stand for drug money and a few weeks later she found out she had not been as careful as she had thought. She was determined to get better while she was in here, now that she had a reason too. She wasn't going to for herself, but now she was going to for her daughter no matter the cost.


	3. How did you find me?

Two more days had passed and Bella was craving her drugs, she would do anything for them. But just the thought of her daughter would tell her this was all worth it. After her morning shower, she was taken down to the nurse to make sure nothing wrong was happening with the withdrawls and she was recovering from the birth like she should be. They knew that she had given birth since she had told them," it was the reason she was there in the first place."

Renée had just gotten to the hospital, she checked in with the nurse to get last night's reports and then headed over to the baby. She had fallen into a coma after surgery and they were telling Renée that she needed to make a decision, whether or not to turn the machines off. It was not a decision that was going to be easy for her to make. She asked for a couple days to think about it. She wanted to make the right decision, what was best for the baby. She had also been thinking of names, she wanted a name that meant something so she settled on Nova Lynn Elisabeth Swan

beautiful and elegant. It suited her, she stood next the incubator stroking the little baby's arm while silently praying she would wake up.

Meanwhile, visiting hours had started and Bella knew she would have none. She decided to head down the tv room to pass the time, she was thinking about calling her mother but was scared.

"Isabella Swan," a voice came over the PA system. "Please report to the visiting room."

Bella was confused, she wasn't expecting anyone. Slowly, she made her way down to the room, stopping in her tracks when she saw who was there. Edward fucking Cullen, also known as the father of her baby. Being careful of her movements around him, she went and sat down

"Hi," she squeaked.

"Save it, Swan, this isn't a social call."

"Then why are you here?" she asked, confused.

"Well, I was surprised to know you were keeping something from me."

"What are you talking about?" she snapped.

"Come on, you know damn well what I am talking about! I saw her, you know and I know what you did."

Bella was speechless. "You've seen her?"

"Yes, yesterday after your mom called me. Your mom had a dna test ran against mine since she knew you had been with me."

"Is she ok?"

"What?"

"Is our baby alright? I need to know." Bella pleaded.

"Like you care!" he snapped.

Bella put her head down trying to keep the tears at bay. "Look, I know I have not been a good mother but that's why I am here, for Gods sake! I do care about her. Seeing her like that really did a number on me, so please just tell me."

"If you must know—and I'm not sugarcoating anything—she is in hell, Bella. She just had surgery a couple of days ago for a clogged aorta. She has coded about 4 to5 times, she is partially blind and deaf. She is in very critical condition and being 3 months early is not helping her case."

"I'm sorry," she whispered

Edward stood up abruptly, "You're sorry?! Is that all you have to say? Because, sorry isn't going to cut it. You almost killed her and she could still die! When the hell are you going to grow up?!"

"How did you even know I was here?"

"I work here and saw you."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I'm a night janitor here."

"Oh…"

"Listen, Bella, I dont know what's been going through your head these past months, but you really hurt our daughter. I know deep down you love her, and I know it's been the drugs, but it doesn't mean I forgive you."

"Are you going to take her from my mother?"

"No, I would never do that. She obviously loves that baby and she is actually better off with her. I will, however, be seeing her from time to time."

"That's my hope too. We only had that one night together, it was an amazing night. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later. I didn't have money for an abortion and self-inflicted miscarriage didn't work. I kept trying to get rid of her or at least forget about her until I gave birth. Nothing felt real, not until I met her."

"I wish I could be sympathetic with you, but I can't. Goodbye, Bella."

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she got up and headed back to her room, curling up under the covers.

Renée was helping the nurse bathe Nova and get her settled for the night. She was still too fragile for Renée to hold, only weighing in at a little over 2 pounds. She was born weighing 1lb 12oz and had gained a little in the short time she had been in the NICU, so far. She was a miracle, there was no denying that. Because in all reality, she shouldn't have been alive at all, but she had the fight and determination to beat everything her misguided mother had inflicted on her with her drug use. This was going to be a long road and Renée had some decisions to make, but she needed time to make them. Realistically, she wanted to give this baby a fighting chance. Something Nova's mother didn't seem to have cared enough to give her.


End file.
